Review: Monster Assault

Overview:

Monster Assault has been on store shelves for about as long as the original green drug has been available to consumers, and has almost as many dedicated addicts, or fans, as does it’s parent drink. If you like original Monster, you will most likely also enjoy Assault, as it modifies the distinct Monster Energy taste by adding what seems to be ginger. Maybe. I’m really not sure what it is, but it’s good to say the least.

Straight from the can: “At Monster we don’t get too hung up on politics. We’re not for “the War”, against “the War”, or any war for that matter.

We put the “camo” pattern on our new Monster Assault can because we think it looks cool. Plus it helps fire us up to fight the big multi-national companies who dominate the beverage business.

We’ll leave the politics to the politicians and keep doing what we do best — making the meanest energy supplements on the planet.

Declare war on the ordinary! Grab a Monster Assault and VIVA LA REVOLUTION!”

Wow, whoever wrote that obviously has an extreme case of A.D.D. I mean, they were all over the place. That, and they’re a liar. They aren’t for the war but they want to fight so they tell us to declare war. Or something. I quit paying attention pretty quick. I have an attention problem anyway. Does anyone have a bike?

Review: Hicks

Just to let you know, this definitely isn’t a rant.

There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Smart people, idiots, and people who don’t have full control over their bowels. Hicks fit into those latter two categories almost perfectly, except, their bowels usually come out of their toothless mouths instead of their ass holes. That’s another perfect word for hicks. Ass holes. Not because they are dicks, but because that’s almost exactly what they smell like. So basically what I’ve said so far is that hicks are semi-autistic ass holes who can’t keep their shit to themselves.

Nothing pisses me off more than a fucking retard who plasters his car with rebel flag stickers and fake bullet holes. Seriously. I just talked to some moron who told me he had 150 feet of rope in the back of his car. When I asked him why he told me it was because there were some pretty tall trees where he lives. No joke. What kind of retarded-ass cock sucker says that shit? This kind:

I had to censor his face because it looked too much like an ass.